Its be a long time. I shouldn’t have left you. Without a dope beat to step to.

Lately things have gotten better.

Maybe.

Yes. Indeed.

I feel like somewhere over the last 3 years I had sort of lost who I was. Who I am. But I sense myself coming back. And its great. I missed me.

I felt like I was speeding down a super highway rapidly morphing into this complete stranger who I couldn’t recognize and secretly loathed all the while unable to stop this maddening anxiety ridden change. My hands were tied my mouth was gagged and my feet were chained. Had I been kidnap. Taken hostage. Without ransom even. Against my will. I hated it.

“It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction--every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and excitement at about a million miles an hour”

And slowly the bell jar is being lifted.

I can feel the cool air rushing in. It is completely exhilarating. I haven’t felt this unbelievably happy, yes happy, in a very long time. It’s so basic. How did I miss it?

I catch myself smiling at random. I’ve taking up spontaneous winking again, not in a creepy old moustache man way, but more in a ‘hey cutie, you’re swell’ kind of way. Are you picking up what I’m laying down?

I’ve been throwing myself into the deep end of music again. I’m myspacing like no ones business and drowning in incredible new-to-me finds. Little fire works are going off in my ear drums and gleeful little people are hoping up and down on my brain frantically waving teeny tiny flags that read ‘thank-you’, ‘finally’, ‘champ’. They love me. I’m their hero. The cape crusader of cool.

I find myself getting overwhelmingly giddy over the slightest of things. I find EVRYTHING hilarious and laugh-way-out-loud funny. It’s out of hand! It’s amazing! My cheeks are starting to get sore from all the grinning. Its ear to ear I tell you! Also, so many exclamation marks and so necessary! If you’re not into it, my apologies, but life is grand and deserves them as much as it deserves happy face emoticons. Yes, I said it, I went there. And I’d do it again.

Maybe next week this whole fresh take on life will loss its luster and I’ll regress to that stranger girl again, but until then I’m going to surf this wave of sunshine as long as I can. Maybe its all this vitamin D I’ve been drinking, but whatever the cause, the effects are splendid.

Ride on.